Tag: psychology

Let’s face it, nobody exits his comfort zone for fun. Every single person is somehow attached to things that are familiar, set, easy. We tend to be conservative, we love to know exactly what’s going on around us and how to handle situations. Our house, our friends, our work, our routine.

But what happens when you get bored? Sometimes you don’t even realize it until one day comes and you can’t stand it anymore.

Suddenly, your life feels too small, too limited, wrong. You wait, maybe it’s a temporary situation. You try to change things from the inside, hoping that soon it will get better. And it doesn’t, until you make a choice.

Changing is not easy, but for some people it’s the only way to shine. I call these people “nomads”. Not everybody is the same, of course. There are some humans that are perfectly fine in the comfort zone, or that choose to stay there because they need a cushion of certainty. I call them “settlers”.

The problem is when nomads and settlers want to live together. It took me a lot to understand that we can’t change our nature. If a nomad tries to live as a settler, he won’t be happy. Similarly, a settler would freak out when pushed to live in a completely new environment. No matter if the nomad puts all his enthusiasm and good will in describing all the beauties that are outside the comfort zone.

This is why it’s better to understand the inner you and make decisions for yourself. If you are a nomad, don’t try to fight against windmills. Go deep into yourself, follow your instinct and find your path. If you feel bored, unsatisfied, meaningless, then leave. It takes courage, self confidence, a bit of selfishness, but it’s what you need to live a life without regrets and create your own happiness. It’s the most precious thing that you can do.

This doesn’t mean that you will be alone. Someone told me “If you want to be something, surround yourself with people that have your same interests”. You can’t change the mind of whoever is around you, but you can build your life with people that share your same values.

Like trees, we have roots that make us stable and give us nutrients, strength and balance. We have branches that grow to reach the sun and the sky, branches that work constantly to produce shiny leaves, beautiful flowers and juicy fruits. But also, we can move. When the terrain is not fertile for us anymore, we can look for one that will suit us better. In that case, our body will work even better if we walk away from our physical roots. As long as we stay true to ourselves, we’ll be fine. We’ll create new roots and our flowers will be nicer than we’ve ever imagined.

Outside the comfort zone, you will see the magic happening. Instead of being more vulnerable, you become stronger and more able to run towards your goal. You will meet amazing people ready to share experiences, ideas, solutions, smiles. You will feel that the universe is helping you, all doors are open, your way is full of brightness, energy, possibilities, and it’s just awesome.

“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.” Roy T. Bennett

One day I had a cold shower. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize the person I saw. I was grey, empty, blocked. One year in a new city and I had created nothing meaningful. A work that wasn’t enough, relationships that didn’t go much further than the surface, habits that were already boring. Love was leaving space to routine and call of duty. Life was easy, too easy, and the plans that everybody expected from me felt wrong. That was not me, not the life I wanted.

Where was that happy extrovert that could speak to anyone in the street and was able to become friend with young, old, animals, walls? Where was that restless human always striving to be the best version of herself? Where were my joy, my drive, my dreams?

My personality was hidden somewhere, I knew it, but I couldn’t find it. I immediately started to plan a way out. I was itching, I wanted to be myself again, that was my challenge.

Days passed and my brain never stopped to scan my last years. Eventually, I understood. Expectations shaped my behavior and transformed me into that quiet and passive being. Or, better, my calm and compliant side let others to determine how I should be, and changed. But you can’t change your nature.

Day by day, I let go every weight that came from the outside, every thought, belief or habit that wasn’t mine. I started to attend yoga classes, work on my spirituality and body. I started to explore the city by myself as a tourist. I let my thoughts and creativity free to wonder. I stopped looking for the perfect job and apples for a low level part-time that would challenge me to go back to my origins. Speak with strangers, in the streets, with a purpose. And this is how I ended up fundraising. And it worked.

Alive again and excited by this journey towards the real me, I left for Australia and I haven’t stopped removing layers. My life changed completely and unexpectedly, and I’m still on the way.

Expectations can come under different forms. They can be evident like plans for the future, but also subtle like little shifts in behavior, that eventually lead to big changes. Getting rid of all this heavy stuff is a long process, full of discoveries and little moments of personal glory.

So, if you don’t want cold showers like mine, do a simple thing. Stand in front of a mirror, look closely and intensely at yourself and answer this question: would you like this person if you could meet him/her in the street or at a party?. I call it “The mirror proof”. It sounds stupid, but it can lead to epiphanies. Be true to yourself and give the world the chance to meet the best version of you, every single day.

“Live the Life of Your Dreams: Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.” Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart